While our three sons were living under our roof there were five words that struck fear in their hearts.

“Time for a family conference”.

They knew that I was about to have a conversation with them and I was going to do most of the talking. I suspect they felt I was being punitive when I called for a conference. The truth is I was pursuing protective love and not punishment. Protective love sees a family dynamic that is hurting someone in the family and when one in the family is hurting all of us are hurting.

When I see the current dynamics of my Christian family I wish I could call a family conference with a heart of protective love. I see social media posts from friends who identify with Jesus that are downright mean and ungraceful. Some repost things that are supposed to be funny but are disrespectful. Others repost sensational stories without verifying them. All of those actions dim the light of our witness.

I totally understand that there are cultural trends that dismay followers of Jesus. I support standing up for the truth. But I am convicted more than ever that the only way to have an impact is to communicate that truth in love.

I already know the push back from some readers. They remind me that Jesus got angry and even destructive when he overturned the tables in the Temple. Fair point. So I have compiled a brief survey to complete. Please check each statement that is true about you.

_____ I have never sinned.

_____ I know with 100 per cent accuracy the heart and motives of those I disagree with.

If you can check both of those statements then I will happily grant you the “Jesus Exemption”. For the rest of us I would suggest that we concentrate more on following the words of Jesus.

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that?” Luke 6:31

Or maybe we should follow the example of Paul. He found himself in Athens surrounded by people that had to upset him. His strategy was brilliant and instructive for social media today. I wrote about it in When Bad Christians Happen to Good People.

What if we decided to be a kinder and gentler culture warrior, fearlessly and boldly confronting the culture with a great and incomprehensible love? I can tell you in advance that the results would be mixed. Acts 17 documents the apostle Paul’s visit to the city of Athens, a city that caused him great distress (the Greek word, roughly translated, means “ticked off”) because the city was full of idols. Yet, instead of arguing with or maligning the Jews and God-fearing Greeks, he reasoned with them and others who came to listen. Paul was introducing them to some strange ideas, and they wanted to know more. Verse 21 notes that residents of Athens spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas. Their pastime could be considered an ancient version of our talk-radio format. I love what happens next. Paul met his audience where they were. He stood up and said, “Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship [notice no condemnation of the idols that Paul obviously found distasteful], I even found an altar with this inscription: to an unknown god. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you” (verses 22-23).

Brilliant! In broadcasting this is known as packaging your idea. You set up a common interest and then tease the audience with the coming payoff to keep them tuned in. But what if Paul and the early believers had approached Athens with some of the strategies we use today? Several believers would march throughout the marketplace defiantly holding up placards:

“If you think you are stoic now, wait till the Lord returns!”

“Hey, Epicureans…the party’s over!”

What if Paul had stepped up and announced, “Repent, you pagan, godless sons of the devil, before you burn in a fiery hell. Take your idols and put them where the goddess of sunlight doesn’t shine.”

I don’t think Paul would have had much of an audience, let alone success. When he finished speaking to the crowd in Athens, the Bible records the box score. It’s pretty much what you and I can expect when we sincerely and lovingly explain our faith. Some of them sneered. Some of them said, “We want to hear you again on this subject.” And a few “believed.” Paul endured all that he did for those who believed and those who wanted to hear more. He could not have enjoyed the sneers. While that response is not unexpected, it is never fun.

The early church had no chance to “win” the culture war. Instead they built a community of believers that infiltrated the culture.

Winning hearts almost always works by communicating the truth with grace and love. Truth communicated as law will harden hearts. Truth communicated with grace and love has a chance to soften and change them. To wit, I have never seen one single example of a person persuaded by a Facebook rant. I have seen hundreds hardened in their beliefs (right or wrong) by those tactics.

Change happens when the God’s love breaks through the hurt and confusion of the past and shows the future hope of grace and forgiveness. I will buy you coffee if you can show when a change of heart happened by being harangued and called names. Change happens when the gentle and quiet voice of the Spirit touches a wounded heart. So my plea to my fellow followers of Jesus is to realize you represent Him when you proclaim your truths in the name of Jesus. If you can’t be graceful you might prayerfully consider removing the Jesus tags from your bio. I don’t say that to be mean. I am simply saying if you are representing Jesus you have this standard to follow.

God blesses those who work for peace,
    for they will be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

And I might call in Paul for backup at my family conference.

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29

Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:6

I know how easy it is to get riled up with internet threads. Remember who you represent and respond accordingly. Jesus makes it clear.

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. Luke 6:45

All followers of Jesus need to prayerfully examine our hearts before we hit send.