Real growth in relationships, faith, and maturity doesn’t just happen. I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart and shortcomings. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder.
Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We called ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of the Coastal California redwood trees. A redwood alone in a forest might look magnificent but the first strong wind could destroy it. The Coastal Redwoods have shallow root systems and cannot survive a storm alone. Their roots extend over one hundred feet from the base but just broadening the root base is not what makes these beautiful trees capable of surviving the worst storms. They stand strong by intertwining their roots with the roots of other redwoods. The winds are now taking on an entire stand of trees and not a single redwood. No matter how majestic those trees might appear God designed them to need other trees to survive the storms.
That is exactly how we are designed. That describes the relationship I have forged with the three other men who gather every year to share weaknesses, fears, and frustrations. We are men who desire to follow Christ faithfully and love our wives and families well. Yet we can have shallow root systems, and we need the strength of one another as we go through strong winds and storms together. Sharing our imperfect journeys in a safe space has resulted in remarkable breakthroughs. We have experienced what my friend John Lynch wrote about in The Cure.
“What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more in the telling of it?”
Dropping the pretense and engaging in real conversation about the difficulties of this journey with other honest wayfarers is a real way to become more like Jesus. After several yearly gatherings with powerful results we invited our spouses to join us in this vital journey. The impact as couples continues to grow our roots deeper and more connected with fellow believers and with Jesus.
The need for church community is clear. But it’s even more important to look at what Jesus modeled. Jesus knew hundreds of people. He traveled with dozens. He sent out seventy. He discipled twelve. And He invested deeply in three. Jesus’ inner circle consisted of Peter, James, and John. He confided in these three men on a deeper and more profound level than any of the other disciples. I’ve found the same results in my own life. My greatest growth has taken place since I risked trusting a small group of fellow believers.
Legendary professor Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary described Paul’s friend Barnabas as the type of friend that will help you grow in your faith. He noted that Barnabas was a soul brother who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody who’s willing to keep you honest even if it creates a moment of discomfort.
What a great description of a true friend. Someone who loves you but is not impressed with you. These men love me. They want the best for me. They tell me the truth because I trust them with my story and I have given them permission to speak truth with grace. I keep emphasizing the grace part. That is how God desires our community to look. I can only receive real love from you to the extent that you know the truth about who I really am. We all have blind spots in our hearts. I need a person who loves me enough to gently and gracefully point them out.
I hope you will find the courage to carefully trust others with everything that is true about you. We need each other. These scriptural passages are great reminders of the importance of being honest and loving in community.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:3-4 NLT
We need Jesus. And we need a community of brothers and sisters who share our desire to follow Him.
Spiritual Growth Can Be Found in the Roots of Redwoods
Dave BurchettReal growth in relationships, faith, and maturity doesn’t just happen. I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart and shortcomings. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder.
Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We called ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of the Coastal California redwood trees. A redwood alone in a forest might look magnificent but the first strong wind could destroy it. The Coastal Redwoods have shallow root systems and cannot survive a storm alone. Their roots extend over one hundred feet from the base but just broadening the root base is not what makes these beautiful trees capable of surviving the worst storms. They stand strong by intertwining their roots with the roots of other redwoods. The winds are now taking on an entire stand of trees and not a single redwood. No matter how majestic those trees might appear God designed them to need other trees to survive the storms.
That is exactly how we are designed. That describes the relationship I have forged with the three other men who gather every year to share weaknesses, fears, and frustrations. We are men who desire to follow Christ faithfully and love our wives and families well. Yet we can have shallow root systems, and we need the strength of one another as we go through strong winds and storms together. Sharing our imperfect journeys in a safe space has resulted in remarkable breakthroughs. We have experienced what my friend John Lynch wrote about in The Cure.
“What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more in the telling of it?”
Dropping the pretense and engaging in real conversation about the difficulties of this journey with other honest wayfarers is a real way to become more like Jesus. After several yearly gatherings with powerful results we invited our spouses to join us in this vital journey. The impact as couples continues to grow our roots deeper and more connected with fellow believers and with Jesus.
The need for church community is clear. But it’s even more important to look at what Jesus modeled. Jesus knew hundreds of people. He traveled with dozens. He sent out seventy. He discipled twelve. And He invested deeply in three. Jesus’ inner circle consisted of Peter, James, and John. He confided in these three men on a deeper and more profound level than any of the other disciples. I’ve found the same results in my own life. My greatest growth has taken place since I risked trusting a small group of fellow believers.
Legendary professor Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary described Paul’s friend Barnabas as the type of friend that will help you grow in your faith. He noted that Barnabas was a soul brother who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody who’s willing to keep you honest even if it creates a moment of discomfort.
What a great description of a true friend. Someone who loves you but is not impressed with you. These men love me. They want the best for me. They tell me the truth because I trust them with my story and I have given them permission to speak truth with grace. I keep emphasizing the grace part. That is how God desires our community to look. I can only receive real love from you to the extent that you know the truth about who I really am. We all have blind spots in our hearts. I need a person who loves me enough to gently and gracefully point them out.
I hope you will find the courage to carefully trust others with everything that is true about you. We need each other. These scriptural passages are great reminders of the importance of being honest and loving in community.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Philippians 2:3-4 NLT
We need Jesus. And we need a community of brothers and sisters who share our desire to follow Him.
Portions of this article from my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.
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