This has been a tough stretch in our little television freelance community. We are an odd lot of characters who bring sporting events and live television into your homes. I often say that we are basically like carnies except with fewer tatoos (although that gap is narrowing). We go into a town, set up the show, perform, tear down the show and go on to the next town. But one of the things I love about this business is the sense of family and community that we develop. So hearts are heavy in our world with the passing of two wonderful members of our television family. We have a lot of good guys in our business. But two of the best died just days apart. Cancer claimed our friend Jay Hamlin and a massive heart attack took our friend Tom Cox.
When I remember old friends the first thing I generally think of is their smile. Jay’s smile was mischievous. Tom’s was broad and welcoming. Both men were kind, loyal and good. Is there a better compliment for a friend?
King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that “no man knows when his hour will come”. Jay knew that the cancer had reduced his years to months and days. He chose to remain silent about his disease and we did not know until his life was nearly over. Tom left his bride Gina to go to Wisconsin to work the PGA Championship. Tom had no idea that his hour had come. Yet both of my friends lived full and meaningful lives. They treated friends and employees with courtesy and respect. They loved their families dearly. They lived and loved well.
Professor Randy Pausch had the foreknowledge that he would die and he delivered a last lecture at Carnegie Mellon that became a YouTube sensation and best selling book. Pausch’s response to a terrible disease was remarkable. Here is just one little tidbit from the book and lecture.
“We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand. If I’m not as depressed as you think I should be, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
This recent reminder of mortality is sobering. I read the obituaries everyday and it often makes me sad to see a life with nothing of value to report. Some obits are not much more than “Fred was a carbon based life form for 67 years”. My friends Jay and Tom had full and rich lives with scores of good friends and people who loved them. I wrote a piece about what my last “lecture” might be if I knew my hour was near. I find that a lot of items on my list were modeled well by my recently departed friends.
Love your wife.
Most of us repeated something like this on our wedding day.
I, (Guy in Hideous Tux), take you (What Were You Thinking Beautiful Bride), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
One of my last messages to young men and women would be to take those vows seriously. The word cherish is a word that guys don’t use much but it is one we should look up and learn the meaning. Dictionary.com defines it simply. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear. I wish I had cherished my wife more consistently over the years. I do plan to finish strong.
Love your children.
I would tell parents to love their children for who they are and not what you had hoped to produce. Affirm them with love for who they actually are and the gifts God gave them. I hate disingenuous praise. Every child is gifted in some areas and not so much in others. Tell them how they are special. Tell them when you are proud of them. Tell them you love them. Let them be kids now and then. Let them get dirty and break things once in a while. It’s okay. They are kids. It is no reflection on you that they are not perfect.
Love your friends.
I would want my last message to encourage people to make friends and not just acquaintances. When I see people who don’t have a good friend I feel really sad for them. A person with good friends is never poor. Solomon knew that a real friend loves you no matter what happens. He wrote these words in Proverbs. There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
Love your life.
Sure life is hard. For some life is really hard. But we do have a choice in how we play the cards dealt to us. Read stories about those who play their difficult life cards well. And pray for the strength to choose that strategy.
Love to laugh.
Everyone who knows me at all knows that I love to laugh and enjoy my time on the planet. I have adopted the philosophy that if an embarrassing moment is going to be funny in a year you might as well start laughing today. Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh with your spouse and your kids and your friends. Laugh often and long.
Love to serve and give.
The happiest people I know are those who give their lives away. It is so counter-intuitive to the messages we are bombarded with every day. I would probably work in a little bit from Philippians 2, Colossians 3 and Romans 12.
Love grace.
I probably wouldn’t go off and die without putting in a plug for my guys at TrueFaced. Their practical theology of grace changed my understanding and God used them to change my life. Here is a sample. In the room of grace, we grow up and mature into something that is already true about us: (we are) godly. God is not interested in changing the Christian. He already has…God wants us to believe that He has already changed us so that He can get on with the process of maturing us.
Love today.
I think Satan’s strategy is devastating simple and effective. Cause us to live in regret of the past and fear of the future and that will rob us of the joy of today. Find something to love in each day. It could be the day before your life summary in the obituaries. Who knows?
Love learning.
I had some bad teaching in my early journey with Jesus but I have never stopped learning and pursuing the truth and what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I love to learn. About God, about life, about everything.
Love Jesus.
I talked to a friend of mine whose son just returned from a youth mission trip to Costa Rica. His main takeway was this observation.
“Dad, they aren’t like Christians in American. They really love Jesus.” I know that many people really love Jesus in this country. But what he saw was unashamed, authentic and complete devotion to Christ. It is often too easy not to live that life in this blessed land. Really love Jesus. Most of us are content with a Savior. Jesus wants to be Lord in our lives. The difference is profound in how we travel our Christian journey. Learn who you are in Christ. Forgiven. A saint with no condemnation who is adored by God. Trust Jesus to be Lord. God is trustworthy. That is true and I have experienced it. I think that would be the last point of my last message.
Today I remember my friends fondly. I know their families will miss them terribly. But I hope they take a lot of comfort in how loved and respected these men were in our television freelance family. Rest in peace my friends. You made a difference and you leave a legacy.
Wandering Author
I agree with most of what you’ve said here, and you just lost two friends, for which I’m honestly and deeply sorry. But I’m afraid I do have to disagree with one of your comments in this post. I’m very sure you meant something somewhat different from what you said, but I found it jarring enough I do have to remark on it. I hope you’ll forgive me, and understand I’m not trying to beat you up, especially at a time like this.
You said, “I read the obituaries everyday and it often makes me sad to see a life with nothing of value to report. Some obits are not much more than “Fred was a carbon based life form for 67 years”.” Now, it is very true that there are those whose lives never contain much of value, and that is a sad thing. But I’m afraid the obituaries are not a good basis for judging anyone. I’ve been a professional genealogist, and although obituaries, death notices, and news articles on the occasion of someone’s death often contain useful information, I am very aware that they are seldom – if ever – accurate portraits of the life that person lived. Except in the rare cases where a newspaper runs an actual obituary, the death notice is composed by the person paying to insert it, or their agent, and the fact they are usually paid for by the word often influences the decisions they make. It is quite possible for a worthwhile person’s death notice to be written by a skinflint, or by a person who hates them for little or no reason. And I’ve personally witnessed a decision to print inaccurate information because “it doesn’t matter”. On the other hand, imagine if Nazi Germany had won World War Two: what do you think Adolf Hitler’s obituary would have looked like when he died? (I want to retch just imagining it…)
I do understand you weren’t literally suggesting that we ought to judge anyone, let alone judge them solely by what is published after their death. It was a figure of speech, and in many ways an effective one. It is my quirk that I am so disturbed by the thought of anyone being evaluated on such unreliable grounds. So I don’t intend this as a personal criticism, just an observation on the injustice of anyone taking your figure of speech too literally. And I really hope I haven’t made a rotten time any harder for you – one reason this stung so much is the resonance it happened to strike with painful moments in my own life… and you certainly were not to blame for any of those.
Dave Burchett
Fair enough. No offense taken at all and you make an excellent point. Sometimes there is a fine line between being insightful and offensive. Sometimes I trip over that line and face plant. It was not my intent to say that obits are a fair indicator of a person’s life.
Blessings,
Dave
Dave Evans
Well said Dave. I had not heard about Jay until Tunk’s FB post prompted me to go to your website. Tom and Jay are two of the best and will be missed!